I've been very, very busy lately, which is mainly why I haven't updated this blog for a while. It's just that things get so crazy at work sometimes. Our manager required us to work 12 hours a day this week. Though I wouldn't agree to such an arrangement under normal circumstances, I also realize that this is our last week for the project that we've been working our asses off for. I'm really proud of the work that I've put into this project and though I don't expect to be given a Nobel prize for it, I think we deserve a bit of recognition. I'm also very happy due to the fact that this project would certainly look good in my resume. hehe.

Work aside, my life is pretty good. I realize that I find joy in the simplest things in life. Last Sunday, my boyfriend and I went to the gym. We spent a good 2 hours just making "landi". It was fun. ^_^ I know that he would not admit that it was nice, I know that he had as much fun as I did. Ü This brings me to the question, what really makes a person happy? I've been reading The Zahir by Paulo Coelho, which was mainly about freedom and happiness. Now that I ask myself if what makes me happy, I think it's just being with the people you love, whom you know love you back. Well, about freedom, I honestly have never felt that I was being supressed of my freedom. I've always felt free to do things I wanna do. Though I consult a lot of people before making any major decision, it's still my decision to make. And at the end of the day, I still have the final say.

Stress. What I hate most is how people underestimate me. Yes, I am a bit on the introverted side, but you know what? I have my moments. And though I don't speak out my thoughts (yeah, yeah I know it's something I should work on), it doesn't mean that I'm an airhead. Hey, I graduated with a degree in Economics. And though I didn't exactly graduate Cum Laude, I still made it. I passed my comprehensive exams in Microeconomics, Macroeconomics, Economic Development and International Economics. Not to mention our thesis. Academics is not everything, I know. But because of my education, I am a lot of things. What can you say about yourself?

I'd rather be green than be blue

One of the funniest videos! Animo La Salle! =)

When I look around the office, I find myself wondering why some of my co-supervisors are still sitting in front of their computers, when they should have gone home 2 or 3 hours earlier. The longest that I've stayed in the office after my shift...probably an hour. Am I such a slacker for leaving the office on time? Are these people doing this because they feel that they have to finish everything before they head home? Or perhaps a force of habit?

Most of the workers here in our country are overworked and underpaid. That's not surprising, considering the fact that we are in the Philippines and it is a third world country after all. Despite the bad things we often hear about this country, I have no desire of leaving it to pursue a better life in another country to earn those green bucks that many Filipinos are dreaming of. I love it here. This is my home.

This precisely why I refuse to stay in the office after hours. I do care for my agents but if I don't think about myself, who will? Definitely not my boss. I have to look out for myself somehow. I don't want to stay in the office for long hours and end up whining about it. When it's 4AM, that means my shift is over and I have to go home. After all, I'm not getting paid for extending. Come to think of it though, it is not about the money. I just feel like I deserve to go home when my job is done. Perhaps a supervisor's job is never over, but so is everyone else's. A doctor's job is never over because people will keep on getting sick. A lawyer's job is never over because there will always be conflict that need to resolved. A magtataho's job is never over because whatever he's earning will never be enough to sustain his family's needs. It's such a sad fact of life. If I had known that life as a grown-up would be this complicated, I would've stayed a kid like the little prince.

It's funny how you think you know someone realllllyyy well and then you find out some freaky stuff about that person which totally makes you think differently of that person...like you don't know that person at all. Being the person that I am, too trusting, gullible...ok, I have what I call "moments", when I just can't seem to get anything that another person would say. Oo, slow ako.

I thank God that I still have close friends. (You guys are still there, aren't you?) They are not perfect, but who is?? But I love them dearly. They have been with me through my ups and downs. We don't talk or get to see each other as much. The thing is, we would always have so, so much to talk about by the time we meet up. Everyone has their own quirky personalities and it's funny. ^_^

Anyways, I don't have much friends. Perhaps because I've been in a relationship for the longest time and that fact does not really give me a lot of chance to mingle or get to know a lot people. Of course, officemates are exceptions. Although I don't have a gazillion friends, the chosen few that I have, I trust with my life. We don't exactly have an agenda when we got out, we usually meet up on a whim and out of nowhere but whenever we do, we talk about stuff. As in really talk. And you know what, most times, they make a lot of sense. I sometimes ask myself why I didn't think of what they were saying. It's always nice to get some sort of a wake-up call from your friends. I miss them a lot. Although we don't text, talk or see each other on a daily...wait, make that a weekly or monthly basis, I'm just glad to know that they're always there.

I've been thinking a lot about what I would really want to do in my life. Oftentimes, I find myself wonder if there is something else that I should be doing. Work tends to get boring and as my boyfriend had pointed out yesterday, everything has become a routine in my life. Work, gym, sleep, work, gym, sleep.

My mom tells me that I'm like the jack of all trades, master of none. She says that because I graduated with a degree in Economics, which I had totally forgotten all about after working in a call center for almost three years. I was really into baking when I was in college. Due to my schedule though, I never have the time anymore. And, at one point, I was into makeup and thought to myself if I was meant to be a makeup artist. I realized quickly however, that I don't have the artist blood in me. I was nowhere near creative.

When I was in college, I thought about pursuing graduate studies, particularly Development Studies, which I took up as my minor course. Today, I looked at the curriculum and I find it boring. So what I'm deciding on is if I want to get an MBA. This one, I would really have to think about.

Requirements are to have a bachelor's degree, to pass the exam and interview, and to have at 3 years of work experience. I checked the flowchart and I realize, it's gonna take a while to get a MBA. You can't really compare it to an MA or MS. The maximum amount of time to finish the course is 5 years. 60 units for regular MBA and 63 units for MBA w/ major. Ack! It's pretty doable, but I have to consider that I would still have to keep my job as a supervisor. Hay... decisions... This something I should really think about first.

An agent of mine once told me that most times, the person that you are in a long-term relationship with would have 90% of all the qualities that you look for in a partner. Yet, you still long for that remaining 10% that the person doesn't have. Because of that, if someone comes into your life who possesses just that 10% you're yearning for, you get blinded. You tell yourself, "this must be the one." You forget that he's only got 10% of what you're looking for, since you are overwhelmed with joy for having found that 10%.

What you need to do is to assess yourself. What do you really want? What/Who would make you happy in the long run? I think one of the important questions is, "Do I imagine myself being married to this person and being happy?"

A lot of people ask me why I take my relationship seriously and why I think of marriage at this point of my life. They say that it's too early. I realize that my pochim defines who I am. Where I am today and all the decisions I've made were influenced by him. I know it's cliche and it's been used to many times...but he completes me. Ü He has 90% of what I'm looking for in a guy and I don't care about the remaining 10% anymore. I mean, we can always compromise on certain things we want in our relationship.

It's been 6 years, pochim, and I feel that I still have a lot to learn about you. And I look forward to it. Every step I take from this point on, I want you right beside me, holding my hand.

During my 1st term in DLSU, in my CRITHIN class, our professor asked us to read a poem by Khalil Gibran. I'm not a poem-person but this one really hit me. I felt the need to share it with my pochim back then. To tell you honestly, I do not completely know what the poem means. Just bits and pieces of it. I just think that the first few lines say it all...

On Love
~Khalil Gibran

When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire,
that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart,
and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh,
but not all of your laughter,
and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart,"
but rather, I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love,
if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires,
let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

I'm Yours

I just love Jason Mraz and this is one of my favorites. I dunno, it's just so sweet. Ü

Life in a call center sounds simple. You come to work. You wait for that oh-so-familiar toot-toot and talk to someone from the other side of the world. When 01 strikes, you log out. That's it!

For someone like me, who is anti-social most of the time, it took a while before I got promoted. For starters, I do not like to talk to people who have ideas I don't necessarily agree with. I don't talk to people who think that they're better than everyone else and I HATE POSERS!! There's this particular supervisor who always talks about driving a car that he just bought but no one has ever seen this so-called car! I mean, I drive a car but I certainly don't announce that fact to the whole universe.

Anyways, back to my topic. I've never been one to kiss ass. I remember when I was in high school, my friend Charm would always sit in front of class and make jokes. My Statistics teacher would always notice her and would give her extensions for projects and stuff like that. Ugh! That's just not me awkay??

So when it was time for me to enter the corporate world (I wound up in the call center world), I didn't know that ass kissing is a needed skill in order to move to a higher position in the shortest time possible. Of course, having a normal-sized brain counts but in my (back then) naive mind, it was enough that you have good intentions and you are able to deliver quality answers during the interview. But no! I had to learn how to kiss ass. It took me 2 long years to finally realize that. I'm such a late bloomer. Aye!

Anyways, a lot has happened at work. Agents have become supervisors and supervisors became managers. Although most of them really deserve their respective promotions. I can't help but notice those bright and shiny lemons among the plums...they're bright and cheery on the outside, sour and bitter on the inside. Another chapter in my life. I have got to learn how to kiss ass. And quickly.

When I was promoted as a supervisor last December, I was very excited. I looked forward to every working day because I knew that I was gonna learn something new. I thought then that everything I had to deal with was challenging. I had to learn how to get along with my agents and make them feel that they could trust me and I had to learn all this Excel stuff that I weren't too fond of.

Little did I know that come regularization, everything would be different. I would have grown very tired of the seemingly routinary things that I have been doing for the past 6 months.

I guess getting tired and wanting something new happens to everyone who has any job. Whether you're a bus driver or a rocket scientist, you are bound to get very sick of your job at some point.

I guess the only way to go about it is to find a distraction. Either that or find someone to flirt with at work. Haha.

We watched Superman a week ago in Mall of Asia since my potsim scored some tickets to the advanced screening (Yay!). I'm not really into comic-book-turned-movies so I walked into the theater without expectations. I realized though, how hot Brandon Routh is. Hahaha! I heart you Brandon!!

I've always wanted to be a nurse when I was a lot younger. Back then, Nursing was not as popular as it is now. I was probably influence by the plethora of nurses in our family. Tita Juliet is a nurse, so is Tita Vic...as well as Tita Donna...not to mention Tita Roanie. I guess it just seemed like the most logical thing to be, at the back of my 7-year-old mind. I remember I was in first grade, my teacher asked what we wanted to be when we grew up. Most of my classmates said they wanted to be doctors, lawyers or teachers. I was the only one who said that I wanted to be a nurse. I remember everyone looking at me like I was out of my mind. I didn't know much as to what nurses do, except to help out the doctor during operations. I was not aware that being a nurse involved bed pans and urine bags.

The point is, most of the time, we don't end up what we had imagined we would be at 7. I mean, I never thought I'd graduate with a degree in Economics. Hell, I hated my Economics teacher in high school. I never thought I'd have a career in a call center either. No one even wondered (back then) about who the people were behind directory assistance (114), whom I used to call to ask for Pizza Hut's phone number when my dad was in the mood for pizza.

Whenever I think back on the past, I often wonder if I would have been happier had I chosen a different course or career. Could I have gone to medical school had I taken up Med Tech in UST? Or could I have ended up pregnant without a husband?

I know it's cliche but I guess everything does happen for a reason. God did not make me this way (nice and cute) just for the heck of it. All the choices I have made in the past paved the way for me to be who I am today. I am not perfect. I am not flawless (pronounced as 'flow'). I am human. I make mistakes, and will continue to commit mistakes for God intentionally cooked up a special recipe for me to be me. Don't get me wrong, the mistakes I commit today will never be the same one that I will commit tomorrow or the next day or the day after that.